Thursday, November 3, 2016

50th Anniversary - CMA Awards

Y'all. I have been looking forward to this night for QUITE some time. I mean, I love the CMAs in general, but this year? This year was the 50th anniversary! 

Jeff thought we already went to this last year. I kindly informed him that the award show we went to was the 50th anniversary of the ACMs. Very different. 

He didn't seem to think so. He also didn't seem to care. 

Okay, so in case you wanted to watch with me (because I'm sure you all wanted to subject yourselves to that), I took the same documentation approach I did last year: to just write as I go.

So let's begin. 


Um, the opening. 

I was getting misty-eyed from the get-go, and the chills were so present you would have thought I was in a dad gum meat locker... but by the end? By the end I was sobbing.

(I'm also writing this on the first commercial break because SO much happened in the beginning I couldn't keep up). 
Okay back to the opener. We kicked off the night with tons of historical acceptance speeches, and then the medley. We had Vince Gill and Merle Haggard's youngest son, we had Carrie singing "Stand By Your Man," we had Alabama, we had Charlie Daniels and the Devil Went Down to Georgia, we had Reba singing Fancy, we were told "Don't Rock the Jukebox," and THEN...

...and then all those people brought out Randy Travis, sang Forever and Ever Amen, and Randy sang the very last "amen." And I was ugly crying. Breaks my heart guys. That sweet man has fought one heck of a road to recovery to sing one word. Life is just so fragile. And so special. I really don't think there was a dry eye in that arena. Such a sweet moment. 

And when I say "ugly crying," I'm not kidding. I'm pretty sure Jeff was rethinking forever and ever (amen). But what can I say? I'm a sensitive human. I feel all the feels.

So I love Carrie and Brad as hosts. They've been doing this for over five years and it still hasn't gotten old to me. They're just funny. And good together. I mean they brought out Tim and Faith Barbies, put them on a pink Barbie "tour bus" and sang:

"Let's make love on this bus, I wanna feel your plastic touch."

 I mean it's just funny. 

And with every award show, we have the presenters. And this year, the fantastic...fabulous...freakin' flexible five presented single of the year. 

And Aly Raisman just popped on over from practice and threw a skirt on top. 

Like...what? I mean I guess the girl is just stickin with what she knows.

Single of the Year - Thomas Rhett!

Awww Thomas, you're like a small child and it's your first win for single of the year. Or maybe like ever since your career just started. But you go boy!! 

Also, I love when people thank Jesus. Thank Jesus. Thank your spouse. And shed some tears. We viewers eat it up. 

Wait. Why does Carrie look like a rosegarden? Or an old lady quilt? 

Like I appreciate that her outfits are "through the decades," but still. (wide eyed emoji)

Performance: Kelsea Ballerini - Peter Pan

Helloooo Travis Wall. I see you. And I'm glad I see you, cause Kelsea is on the struggle bus. Nerves? Sinus infection? Still emotional about Randy? Not sure, but c'mon girl. 

But Travis Wall flying around in the sky behind her? Yes please. I see you Peter Pan. 

Song of the Year - Humble and Kind

TIMMY!!! We love Timmy!! And his writer is actually the one who got the award but that's fine, I support writers. But what's not fine is when Olivia Newton John gave her the award whilst wearing a suit. C'mon Sandra Dee.

Performance: Jason Aldean + Brooks and Dunn three men strumming guitar in unison. 

OUTFIT CHANGE - She looks like a chandelier and I love it. 

Maren Morris - please lead my Sunday morning choir. I will hallelujah with you until the cows come home. Speaking of, this just in, a text from Kristie: "can you have a trombone at your wedding? I'm feeling it." 


This just in, a text from Ryan: "If church was more like what Maren Morris just did, there'd be more butts in the pews." 


Okay, I love how after every commercial we get an old video from historical awards. I am EATING UP the fiftieth anniversary, y'all. 

Jennifer Garner is presenting! I heart Jennifer Garner. Honey, I'm glad you're here. And she and Brad were BFFs as kid. I mean she didn't say that exactly, but that's what I interpreted. 

New Artist of the Year - Maren Morris. 

And Kelsea didn't look happy with the outcome. Also, why was Cole Swindell up for this category. In the words of my future husband: "hasn't that guy been around for like five years?" Yes. Yes he has. 

Performance: Garth Brooks and Tricia Yearwood 

A married person medley. Musical people who marry each other are lucky. Not everyone gets to sing together...well, and sound good. Ya know what? I bet they sing to each other whilst doing the big wiggle. 

YEP. No doubt. 

Performance: My girl, Carrie. Too bad I hate this song. There are very few songs of hers I dislike, but I just can't get on board with Dirty Laundry. Okay fine, and I miss her crotch-high boots from last year. 
But I'm still rooting for her in Entertainer of the Year. 

Album of the Year - Eric Church

Ehhhh not my first pick. I kind of just wanted Faith (who was presenting) to give it to Carrie since there's alleged bad blood there. #youngerblondewithpipesandlegs

Little Big Town Performance: Katy's involuntary bathroom break. 

Outfit Change - Carrie as Batman 

But not gonna lie - I was digging this outfit. 

Performance: Miranda Lambert: Vice

I hate this song too. But I will give it to Miranda - she sounds solid every single performance. She may not have Carrie/Faith/Reba/Tricia pipes, but girl knows what she can do and she does it well. Let's all strive to be Mirandas in life. 

Also, this just happened. Me and Kristie gossiping like we are in the inner Nashville circle. 

Oh hi there Matthew. 


Performance: Timmy

Humble and Kind. Can this be playing in everyone's head from now until November 8th? Words to live by. If I saw Tim McGraw, I would hug him. #andsqueezehisbicep

So Elvira is like one of my favorite songs (Brad and the Oak Ridge Boys just did a little diddy). I think it's because of the base line (giddyup bahumda bahumda bow wow). just said that out loud, didn't you? :)

Performance: Alan Jackson and George Strait- Remember When + Troubadour

As IF we're emotionally stable... Because we're not. Just in case you wondered. And with historical acceptance speeches playing in the musical interludes? And then "the king" walked out. Guys. Not enough tissues in Texas.
...for like just me.

Vocal Due of the Year - Brothers Osbourne

Me: "NOOO." 

Nothing against Brothers O, I just really wish Joey and Rory would have won. #heartstrings

OH - hey so Brad wanted to get in on the floral foliage too. It's like a three-piece peony.
Not sure what decade this is...but I'm diggin Carrie's dress. I neeeeeeed it. #gimmeallthered

Peeps. It's 8:54. And I'm fading. I'm getting old. Why can't these shows start at like 4p? 

(cracks neck, rolls shoulders, refills wine)

Okay, I'm back. Let's do this. 

Performance: Keith Urban - Blue Ain't Your Color


I do like this song, but it's slow. And again. It's 8:54. There should be a rule that if you perform after the halfway mark, you do an upbeat performance.

Vocal Group of the Year - Little Big Town

Also, they said there was going to be a Dolly tribute tonight.
...I think I found it. 

Like I'm not sure who she is, but I now feel like I know her quite well.

Performance: Beyonce + Dixie Chicks

You didn't sing Goodbye Earl, so I no longer am interested. I mean the Beyonce song was good. But Justin and Chris last year were much better. Also, I couldn't give this performance my full attention (and therefore feedback), because Jeff made me bake him some cookies. #sigh

Pinnacle Award - Kenny. I wholeheartedly support that. I've seen him twice in concert. He's so good. And so smoking hot (with a hat on).

Performance: Chris Stapleton (and wife Stapleton) and Dwight Yoakam

Performance: Luke Bryan

Is it just me, or are all of his songs starting to sound alike...? Like, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to lose interest in his music. (insert monkey covering eyes emoji)

Lee Greenwood singing God Bless the USA. Why couldn't that have been a whole performance in itself? 

I think I missed a Carrie outfit but Jeff is really over this show and won't let me rewind.

Performance: FGL and Timmy McGraw. 

I have a serious crush on Tim McGraw. It's ever-growing. He just gets better with age. And then he came on stage and I bout melted.

Then I hear "I'm better looking..." and pan my phone to the right and see this. 

Sigh. Yep. Timmy vs. Jeffrey. Close call. (wide eyed emoji)

Female Vocalist of the Year - Carrie Underwood

Oh wait. She's crying. I'm crying. 
I have issues. I'm too invested.
Or invested just enough. 

I just seriously love seeing people follow their passions and get emotionally overwhelmed when it works out. All the feels. 

Okay, I just researched it. Miranda has won Female Vocalist the past SIX years. No wonder Carrie cried. Sweet girl hasn't won ANY CMAs since 2008. And I totally went back and rewatched. Miranda was so happy for her. 


Jennifer Nettles and Penatonix - Jolene

No better person to sing this one. 

Kacey Musgraves - Here You Come Again

Martina and Carrie and Kacey and Reba and Jennifer - I Will Always Love You

That was good. I'm so glad they didn't leave it to one person. And I'm so glad they let Reba end it. But this is when I feel bad for Miranda. If you don't have mutant lungs, you don't get invited to the party. 

Male Vocalist of the Year - Hairy Man Stapleton!

Remember last year when we didn't really know who he was and we weren't really sure if he had eyes? 

Well now we do (and he does). And we're a fan. You won a prize, so make another album. K thanks. 

So if you aren't watching live, we are TEN MINUTES BEHIND and still have a performance and an award to go. I mean, my inner granny is wailing. It's a school night, y'all. 

Oh we're back. Last leg, people!

Performance: Brad Paisley - Today

My current favorite song. And with videos of old acceptance speeches all the way up to tonight's acceptance speeches? The perfect ending song. So many chills. And Kimberly is so dang proud of him. I want to be in the Paisley family. 

This just in - the Cleveland Indians just tied up the World Series, Jeff's iPad died, and he just freaked out and ran to his bedroom to finish watching. #byefelicia

Aaaaaaand T-Swifty is back. To present the biggest award of the night!!

And the Entertainer of the Year goes to.......

((drumroll please))


I mean Carrie's face broke my heart a little bit (girl has been trying to get this award for like ten years..), but Garth's concert blew my socks of last year (maybe these things are a year in arrears..?) so I'm way happy for him. 

You know what else I'm happy about? 
 I can go to bed. 

Happy 50th Anniversay, CMAs!!
...aaaand goodnight. 


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